Skin Deep & Self Love

My nose is big, it takes up most of my face. My lips aren’t as full as I’d like, over-lining can only do so much. My hair is coarse and curly, a puzzle to my mother.

They say “beauty is skin deep”, but in a world dictated by visuals and aesthetic vibes, the definition of beauty has become skewed. We now stare at ourselves in the mirror psycho-analyzing every feature and every freckle. We don’t look like the influencers that now dictate our standards of beauty, and maybe we shouldn’t.

Growing up, I was what I would call a “triple threat”. In basketball, “triple threat” is used for a forward that is in a good position allowing them three options-to shoot, pass, or dribble down the court. In my world, triple threat meant I had acne, glasses and braces all at the same time. Obviously my version wasn’t a compliment. These insecurities were worsened by a community that did not hold their tongue as to your insecurities. Growing up never truly feeling beautiful, I threw myself into learning how to tame my hair so that I would fit in more with the pin-straight heads of the early 2000's. Youtube taught me how to use makeup to hide my acne so that when someone spoke to me, they would get to know me instead of gazing blankly at the mountains erupting on my face. Although all these tactics worked to mask myself on the outside, the inside remained the same- cold, isolated, unworthy, unloved and alone.

It was finally when I turned to the Word of God that things clicked. 1 Peter 3:3-4 states that, “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.” This verse was my beacon of light in a dark world. This verse showed me my importance in the eyes of God. Not only was I valuable to Him, He thought I was beautiful. He wasn’t distracted by my out-of-style clothes or the abrasions on my skin, he saw my inner self and claimed it as beauty.

Proverbs 31 is heavily quoted as depicting an ideal woman of the Lord, but if we look in those verses, her appearance isn’t the main focus. She is described through her character, her intelligence, her work ethic. Verse 30 says, “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” God loves faithfulness. Women can win Miss Universe and still be looked at as ugly if their character is rude and narcissistic.

Isaiah 61:3 says “bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor."

It was after realizing what beauty meant in the eyes of the Lord that I finally learnt to love myself for who I am.

So yes…

My nose IS big, but it was given to me by my grandfather, who everyone describes as “pavum” in my language (homely/modest). A man who came from nothing and worked his whole life to provide a better life for his family. A man who was so adaptable that he took on my grandmother’s family name rather than keep his own. A man loved by everyone.

My lips aren’t big, but they are my father’s, who learned and spoke several languages on the path to move to America. The lips that taught hundreds of students the depths of science, and then on the weekends, taught individuals the Word of God. The lips that he laughs and jokes with, the lips that I’ll have because of him even after he’s gone. I love these lips because I love my dad.

My hair is coarse and curly, unruly and wild, just as my spirit. It is tame some days and reaching the heavens in every direction on other days. It is free-spirited and natural. It does not play by rules set by this world. It is in command of its own fate and its own path. I decide the path I go down in life with God’s guidance. The environment may sway us, but we’re persistent and resolute in His word.

I now realize the art God created within me - I am the embodiment of my ancestors before me. I was not pieced together randomly. I am a compilation of years of art unfolding. My looks showcase my heritage and God’s love through generations of believers who talked and walked with God.

I am beautiful, and so are you. Realize your worth. Love yourself girl, you deserve it.

Love,

A woman of worth