Completely

God has really been speaking to me through the book of James, in my small group at school and even our youth group at church. James speaks a lot about faith and until I started college, I really did think I had a lot of faith in God. I trusted Him to guide me to the right school and provide a way for me to be able to afford it. Now looking back, I’m not sure if I completely trusted God or just assumed that I would figure everything out in due time.

I realized that I actually have a problem with completely trusting God.

I found myself struggling in school; studying for exams day and night only to be disappointed with my grades, and even struggling with friendships that were just hurting me. As I enter into my last semester of undergrad, I look back and see all the things I faced and overcame and I am reminded that God has a plan.

Psalm 139 really helps me through those moments when I feel alone or like my life is out of control.

Verses 1-6 say: “O Lord, you have examined my heart and know everything about me. You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my thoughts even when I’m far away. You see me when I travel and when I rest at home. You know everything I do. You know what I am going to say even before I say it, Lord. You go before me and follow me. You place your hand of blessing on my head. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too great for me to understand!”

Isn’t it amazing that our God knows everything about us? Even in my darkest times, God knows what I’m going through and He IS there. Sometimes I would question, is God really with me? If he is, why am I struggling? Did I do something wrong? Is this God punishing me?

But James 2: 2-8 says: “My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind. For let not that man suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.”

Through James, I have come to understand that I’m not being punished; my faith is being tested. With every obstacle that comes my way, with every problem that I face, I have the opportunity to grow in my faith and learn to trust God more and more. And why not trust Him, the one who loves me and cares for me most?

Psalm 139:16-18 says: “You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered! I can’t even count them; they outnumber the grains of sand! And when I wake up, you are still with me!” I can search the world, but I will never find anyone who knows me as well as God does. He has planned out every day for me, He knows all my wants and needs, yet He still cares to know my thoughts and He is always thinking of me! He will never leave me.

Psalm 139 ends with verses 23 and 24 by saying: “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.” God knows the desires of my heart. He knows how much I just want to please him and fulfill whatever plan he has for my life. During these next few months of uncertainty and waiting before I know what I’m going to do after graduation, I know God will be testing my faith more so than ever before. I know I will need to learn to trust God COMPLETELY. I need to remind myself that it’s okay to be scared, it’s okay to feel overwhelmed and lost. But I also need to remind myself that God isn’t going anywhere, He’s right here with me. -Meryl Jacob